Spirit vs Soul

One of the definitions of spirit by Merriam-Webster goes like this: "an animating or vital principle held to give life to physical organisms."
The definition of soul is: "the immaterial essence, animating principle, or actuating cause of an individual life."

What's the difference?

I was watching a sermon by Michael Todd from Transformation Church a couple days ago and it sounded like he was separating the two terms. The definitions given by the dictionary make it sound similar right? I even used the words interchangeably and thought of them as synonymous with each other.

Okay, I studied the definitions a little more.

Spirit can also be defined as a "temper or disposition of mind or outlook" and something that can "influence a person"; soul is "a person's total self" and the "moral and emotional nature of humans."

So, in the context of me, my spirit can be altered (can be high and low, I can be happy and sad) while my soul is who I am as a whole. Souls can also be related to the human race as a whole. At least, that's what I'm interpreting it as.

Mistake

I texted an...old sexting flame, for lack of a better term. The title says it all lol: it was a mistake.
It brought up old hurts and feelings. I kind of made it hard on him because he didn't have my number saved in his contact list, I made him guess who I was. It took him about two hours (mainly him just saying "plz tell me your name," "it's bugging me," "babe just tell me" as examples) and when he figured it out, the conversation ended in a couple minutes. After "hello"s and "how are you"s were exchanged, it stopped. I marinated with everything (all my thoughts, my feelings, my heart aching) for many hours afterwards and I...was and am an idiot.

I've been watching/listening to sermons on YouTube. The past many weeks, at church, we were challenging ourselves with growing in our faith by doing tailored goals. Since I am very unemployed at the moment, I gave myself more things to accomplish. One of the challenges was to find a YouTube channel that was Bible/faith based and listen to its videos (because that's basically what I do, I click on random videos so I can listen to them while I play games on my phone). I first found the Bible Project, which is a channel dedicated to making the Bible more accessible, kind of summarizing a book of the Bible in a few minutes or creating themes based on the stories. Then my sister posted a sermon in our Facebook message and I watched that, it was on anxiety. I didn't like the pastor's preaching style so I looked for other videos.
Ok, this is a really long explanation: I watched a series on relationship goals. While watching it, I realized a lot of these online relationships I started weren't good, and that a lot of them fizzled out anyway so I didn't have to worry about them. THEN I go out and seek one of them out like WTF ME. WHAT WERE YOU JUST LISTENING TO?! UGH.

So yeah. I'm an idiot.

The last thing I texted him was "what are you thinking?" and I haven't gotten a response. I'm giving him 24 hours lol, and then when it's all said and done, Imma just say I'm sorry...I'm debating on whether to block his number right after or not. The right thing to do would probably be to block him, but we had fun. I don't want it to end badly, although that's all I seem to know how to do, to end things badly instead of well.

And I'm still obsessing. Someone needs to slap me.

Wow + Update

Reading that last post made me remember what was happening at the time...Weird.

Since then, I got a job at a grocery store, in their online orders department. The world is becoming very web based, and that department was a response to that. I'm sure you all know what it is: essentially a personal shopper, an employee from the store shops for you according to the list you created and submitted on the company's site. Then in a certain hour, you're supposed to come and pick up your groceries from the store. Easy as that. I worked for 8 months as a regular associate, and then I applied to become one of the department's lead supervisors (an assistant manager) which I somehow got. The pay was good, but it wasn't worth the head games and stress. Coupled with the heart break I ended up suffering from, the next 8 months were pretty bad. Everything culminated in me quitting, and I am currently jobless and aimlessly wandering the house aka sitting in one spot and on my laptop all day.

I am wasting time. No doubt about it. Last week I got the bright idea of getting into arts and crafts again, mainly painting, knotting friendship bracelets, and folding paper stars. I took myself out on a date this week: a movie and lunch. Eating by myself was awkward though, it didn't used to be but it was. Probably because I'm less confident about everything.

Say Yes To The Dress is one of my favourite shows, and whenever it's on TV, I tend to leave it on in the background. It made me think of one of my childhood friends, if you can call her that. We mainly only saw each other at church, but after a couple years, she stopped coming, I'm not sure why. Anyway, this friend created her own company for bridal wear. I guess since I last checked up on her social media, she has created...four other companies, all still mostly related to bridal.
I have this issue with jealously, I've known I've had it for a long time. Back when I checked up on her, many years ago, I was definitely jealous. It felt like she was living a life I desperately wanted but had no idea of achieving. Now however, I'm happy for her, like genuinely happy. Also proud for some reason, even though I don't know her as a person anymore. Maybe because she made a name for herself, doing what she loves, and she's my age. Goes to show how opposite we are on the spectrum of life. Neither is good or bad, although I do feel horrible about wasting my life. (Volunteering is something that was suggested for me to do. I have past experiences with that activity that make me steer away from it.)

I wanted to comment on the Ellen/President Bush thing that happened recently. Except that I have a lot of conflicting feelings about it so I think I'll just leave it where it is. There's enough back and forth online.

Hope you all are well. See you around.