Sick

Not actually sick.

But if you go to an amusement park or state fair and you see the ride Kamikaze, I recommend you run the hell away from it. Because I got a horrible headache and grossly queasy from it.

I Caught Feels Again

Actually, now that I think about it, I don't think I caught feels...

I started talking to someone new on Twitter. Well, not new, we had followed each other closer to the beginning of my account creation and sporadically messaged each other for the past 2.5 months. But he's been really nice, asking me to tell him about myself. I asked him last night (for me, afternoon for him) if he messaged a lot of other girls, out of curiosity, not jealousy. The conversation continued and it got around to the topic of assuming things and how he didn't like it when people did it, because I had. It wasn't my intention to, it's just that how he phrased things previously, it made me think how most girls he talked to online weren't interested in getting to know him as a person, just wanted him to sext with them. I ended up getting hurt by that, and I thought it meant because I was attached to him. Just now, I realized it isn't...I like being liked. Not as a love interest, but as a friend. It's a good feeling. Obviously I can't please everyone in the world and I will always have haters, but when someone I talk to says he doesn't like a certain aspect of me in the moment, it makes me sad and makes me want to correct what I said. Plus, this is all conversation in text form, so facial expressions and intonation aren't conveyed, which could cause a lot of misunderstanding.
So, I didn't like that he made a generalization about me, that I assume things all the time. Does that make sense? :\

This kind of miscommunication has happened to me before, and it hasn't been the same with the person since really. At least, it's not the same to me. I don't know what he thinks about it. (This is the same guy I talked about the first time I talked about NSFW Twitter.)

I had a thought, something I wanted to add to the last paragraph. And then lost it. Story of my life! Haha.

I'm A Feminist?

I wrote about my NSFW Twitter. I wrote how I've gotten really emotional because of it. I think I wrote about how I've learned more about myself in the short period of time having that account than I have ever before in my life.

One of those things is how I wouldn't say no or stop.

With certain situations, I have said no. I've literally interrupted a personal orgasm because someone wanted to see what my vagina looked like while I rubbing my clitoris and close to cumming. I got so annoyed and frustrated, I stopped touching myself to rage.

I mean if I ever encountered someone who made me so turned on and so wanted, I don't think I'd say stop. I'd let him or her do whatever he or she wanted.

Consent is a huge deal these days, and it's so very important...So why the hell am I okay with the idea of letting someone have their way with me? We'd have a safe word if things got too intense sure, but would I use it?
I'm stubborn. It's a quality I've noticed in myself day in and day out. I would want to see how far someone would go with me. I'd want to prove him or her wrong, that I could take whatever he or she concocted.

I'm also a virgin. Would I actually go through with this thinking? I want to be treated a certain way so badly, but if it actually came down to it, would I be able to take it?

I titled this post the way I did because I am a feminist, but does this little fact about me make me not one? Every person in this world deserves happiness, pleasure. It's not wrong to take comfort in it. Does letting consent go out the window make me...misogynistic in some way?

Forest Fires

There's a forest fire in Washington right now. There's also one in California, in the Los Angeles area. Another hurricane is happening/gonna happen off the east coast of Canada/the US. How are peeps from Hurricane Harvey doing?

Clearly, I'm really good at keeping up with current news.

But doesn't this all kind of suck? I don't know about the hurricanes, but the forest fires; I get kinda angry and frustrated about those. I usually think the fires are human caused, and I'm right, I think. Are forest fires naturally occurring? Can they be? Because I don't think they can, so obviously it was someone's fault for the fire. Whether it be a cigarette butt or starting a fire somewhere where he/she/they (in the multiple people sense, not the pronoun for sexuality usage) shouldn't have. Like why. WHY. Does he/she/they realize what he's/she's/they're doing? That he/she/they could cause thousands of people to be displaced from their homes, or animals to be trapped and also homeless? Not to mention all the people who risk their lives to put the fire out because of his/her/their stupidity. UGH.

My mom's car was covered in ashes today, and the breathing air isn't too good, but it's freaking hot so all the windows are open in the house and I had to walk around the city today to get places...My bed also had ashes all over it, and I brushed most of the particles off, but I'm sure I'll still be sleeping in burnt trees.
Our eyes got really dry too, moisture's gone from the air.

Mother mentioned we're getting rain Thursday. I hope so.

Are any of you experiencing natural/unnatural disasters? What do you think about it happening?

I Probably Have Depression

I haven't been to the doctor to get it checked out though. I have this thing about doctors. I know they're supposed to help, but in the end, all they do is give advice and prescribe a drug. I know medicine is meant to be good for you, however I don't like putting chemicals in my body. Yeah yeah, naturalist bull crap but I mean it. I want to feel everything, even though it sometimes sucks. I don't want to be drugged out, taking a pill to make my brain seemingly better when it's not. Or maybe my thinking isn't right, that I've been conditioned to think this way somehow.

I had major mood swings today. My day started out well, and then it got annoying, sad, bad, sad, okay. My night is better, I've been talking to people on my NSFW Twitter, and legit just talking.

There was more I wanted to add to this, but I'm horny (I got horny) and I want to see if I can cum (by myself).

What do you guys think about doctors? Do you have depression? How do you cope/live with it? Is my thinking of medication wrong?

Eeeeeehm

I think of topics I want to write about during the month/week/day and then promptly forget when I write...Some bloggers are better than I obviously LOL.

So today is just a bleh blog.

I had a good day though, probably because I was actually out of the house for most of the day instead of cooped up in my room, by myself. And I find I'm really tired so I think I'm going to wash up and rest my head for the night. I may wake up earlier in the morning than I'd like, but we shall see.

Have a good day? Tell me why in the comments :)

Trapped Inside

I'm vlogging every day in September. I've also decided to blog every day in September, so hopefully this will go well.

I looked up a writing prompt and the title is the first one that popped up on Google. Well, the actual prompt is:

This wasn’t the first time I had been trapped inside a _________ , but it was the first time I had to escape in order to save a life. Here’s what happened.

I won't be...creatively writing though, I'll just be writing what I think of the idea.

Being trapped inside. Figuratively and literally for me.
Figuratively in the sense that I feel pressured to do something with my life, by people around me but also by my own person, my own thoughts. I'm only 24 (25 in 2.5 months) and I don't have anything I'm especially passionate about or something I want to do for a long time.
Literally because I'm (not supposed to be) living in a 55+ community. (I've mentioned this before in my I Moved... post I'm sure but) When my family and I moved down to the States, my parents weren't able to get a mortgage, and the only possible accommodation they could buy and afford was a mobile home in an enclosed space for elderly people...Technically, 35 years olds are also allowed to live here, but I am 10 years young as well as my sister. The contract they signed to buy this place stated that anyone younger than 35 was not allowed to live on the premises. Yet here we are. My sister has been living here much longer than I have and she doesn't care about walking out the front door. I on the other hand am distressed with the idea of walking out the door in case someone tells the property manager/owner about us living here. So I just stay in my room for most of my time. It's not like I'm not doing anything, I'm just not moving much.

There isn't even much walking distance around here so getting a job for me would be difficult: civilization literally takes 40-60 minutes to get to and I'm not about that life. Yes, I'm lazy and that's a not-so-good personality trait to have, but I have it anyway. If I got a job that required me to be there earlier on off days, I wouldn't be able to. It takes me 2-3 hours to psyche myself up to get ready and out the door, and sometimes when I plan to go to the mall, I don't even do that because I think about how much of a nuisance it would be. Trust me, I've done it before, spent 7 hours out and walked everywhere the entire time. The next few days afterwards, I was in bed all day because of how worn out I was from walking.

Now I'm complaining. Woot.


I'm actually sitting in the hallway because it's cooler than my room (which gets the setting sun and therefore gets hot as balls in the late afternoon/evening). And everyone is out so I'm not in anyone's way.

So yeah. I do want to look for a job though; I'm spending some money here and there every once in a while, and it will accumulate until I don't have anything left in my savings eventually. Should be fun. T-T