My Parents

I realized something recently. Again.

My parents go to extremes when it comes to my sister and I. If I'm sad and crying, I'm depressed. If I'm only eating cereal for lunch, I'm starving myself. If I haven't cleaned my bathroom or dusted my room for a couple days, my mom goes from 0 to 60 in half a second.

I wonder if I could be homeless. I get this feeling every once in a while that my parents will throw me out of the house, and it scares me and intrigues me. I'd be scared because what parent would do that to their kid. Granted, I'm an adult who has no idea what the hell she's doing with her life, but as my mom constantly points out, I won't know how she feels until I become a parent (gag) and she loves me. Whatever that means. Basically, at this point in my life, I am no longer their child but a boarder in their house. I've felt this way for a few years now.
I'm intrigued because I haven't ever felt homeless before...Actually, that's a lie, I feel homeless right now. Although I have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in, this doesn't feel like home. Obviously this is nothing compared to the people who are actually living without a roof over their head and a bed to sleep in, but maybe I could experience this kind of life to appreciate what I have now. Or I could experience it to finally get my act together and do something like go back to school (gag again) or find a job that interests me and try it out.

Ack. I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore. I'm still just very lost and it feels like I have no one to talk to.

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I Moved...

...To a different country.

I'm Canadian, born and raised in Canada all my life, but about a month ago, I moved across the border to Washington State. I was pretty miserable during the first few weeks. Where I live, technically I'm not even supposed to be here: it's a 55+ community so I feel a bit constricted. It's also far away from everything, like you have to drive everywhere and it takes at least an hour to walk anywhere whereas I'm used to things being 30 minutes away or less walking distance.

I'm trying to make the best of it though. I'm taking an online interior design course so that's keeping me busy. I've also been writing every day this month with given prompts. It's been interesting, trying to come up with something on the spot. I have a couple more days to go (I still have to write today's prompt) and I'm a little sad for it to be over. Just means I'll have to be all the more diligent with the projects I've already started. I've been busy on social media too and watching my shows, including re-runs of certain episodes I really love...I get self-conscious when people ask me about me getting a job, but I want to take my time with that: I don't even know what I want to do with my life and doing something I don't like to do (ie. customer service) doesn't appeal to me at all. I'm being picky, and I think I have a right to be. At least, at the moment I do. We'll see what happens in the next few months.

I've noticed a few bad things while living here: people suck at driving, parking, and the traffic sucks no matter what time of day. I guess the positives would be that gas, food, and clothes are cheaper here, although with the Canadian dollar being so bad, I haven't been doing much shopping of any kind.

So yeah, that's me right now. I hope all of you are doing aiight :P

Dear Future Offspring

You will not exist.

I thought you would once.

Tonight, I picked up my sister from work. Because we currently live in two different countries with me visiting her at the moment, I'm unable to use my cellphone, so on this particular drive, I didn't bring mine with me (plus I needed it to regain battery). I got to her workplace and saw that the place was completely dark and no one was standing outside the establishment. I went to the back of the building to see if she was standing there or waiting inside a co-worker's car, but no one was there. I made a couple rounds of the block, waited for a minute, then decided to come back home because she could have gotten a ride from said co-worker. I come home to discover that she is not home, so I call her using her home phone line and she says she's standing outside the building. To my annoyance, I have to hop back into the car and drive back to where I just was.

As I was lying down, playing Candy Crush before going to bed, I realized I don't like being responsible for people. I don't like that other people have this power over me to be worried about them. I love my sister but I still don't like that she has this ability to make me feel annoyed without feeling annoyed and guilty herself. I don't like that I'm mad to the point of crying while she's just contentedly going about her night. I don't like that I have to cater to her every whim because she is the youngest or because she feels entitled to ask for things and bother people.
Maybe that's why I don't like asking other people for things, to do things with me, to hang out, to have a meal together, to buy something for me. I don't like depending on other people and I don't like that other people have to depend on me.

That's probably why I like being alone so much and would rather be alone. Whoever said we need other people was right, but I'm good with just texting, messaging, or emailing. Hell, even regular mail would be great.

So, to the kids I had planned for and already picked the names out for, I hope you find a better time with someone else. Because it won't be with me.

I Don't Like Romance

I realized in the shower that I don't like romance. I might like it in real life (although I can't say for sure since I haven't been in a romantic relationship before, but the idea is kinda sweet) but when it comes to romance in media like TV, movies, and books, I do not enjoy it at all.

This thought came about this past weekend. A friend and I drove up to Kamloops to visit another friend, and we were thinking of things to watch on Netflix. The series Riverdale came up, and my Kamloops friend compared it to The Vampire Diaries and How To Get Away With Murder. I don't like those two shows, but suddenly today, in the shower, I really thought about why I didn't like them. So, I've seen odd episodes of TVD and I've watched half of HTGAWM's first season. I told my friend that the characters annoyed me, but the real reason is because those shows are romance driven...Like if TVD wasn't initially about Elena irrationally falling in love with Stefan and more about their world of vampires in itself without the need of a male, I'd probably be interested. Or how HTGAWM's plot is really furthered by affairs, I probably would have continued watching it. It just got so annoying and very unrealistic...

Then I thought about the TV I do watch: I watch crime shows (NCIS, Criminal Minds, Elementary, Grimm, and recently I've been marathoning Hawaii Five-0). It is people-based plot, more about human nature and how to deal with it; the romance is very much side-lined and I like that a lot. Of course there are romantic notes every once in a while, but it doesn't suffer with or without it. If the love interests were completely taken out of TVD and HTGAWM, I don't think there'd be much of a show.

Meh, my thoughts. What do you think of romance?

Therapy

I'm not going to therapy. Yet. But I just remembered how therapeutic writing is for me. I wrote once in a post that I felt better after writing about whatever problems I had at the time. It's still true. I wish I felt that way more with actual writing, not typing. Typing is a lot faster though, my fingers keep up with my thoughts quicker.

I wrote a note on my Facebook page and published it for all my friends to see. I'm going to regret it. Basically I'm going through some work issues, mainly with the store manager. She's new, since October I think. I gave in my resignation letter last week after a year and eight months of working there, and I will have received 12 hours worth of work in two weeks compared to the 40 I would normally get. My hours have instead gone to a fellow associate who was hired for the season to help me in the back. I like him, but I don't like him right now because he is getting my hours. I also mentioned how I'd rather have friends who do rather than friends who don't, who talk instead of act.

All my friends are talkers; I realize I was forced into the listener part. I am a better listener than talker though, but I know I have a lot to say, I'm just really bad at saying it. I stutter, I trip over my words, a lot of the times I can't find the right word. I like writing better because I get to think about what I want to say before actually saying it. If I do that in real life (thinking before I speak), it takes too long and I usually forget what I want to say in the first place. I think that's why I regret a lot of things I've said in the past, things I've said when I was in elementary school and high school and even university and as a worker in retail...I think I sound like an idiot. I think that's why I'd rather talk through text form, even though actual text messages can be annoying (texting while the other person is responding immediately is hard work, fingertips gotta move real fast).

I am going to do something about my situation though. I will. It's late now, but in the morning I will do what I want to and have to do. For the sake of future associates at the store I work at. I don't want anyone else to be treated the way I was treated.

Finding The Right Hair Stylist

For the past five years or so, I've had the struggle of finding someone to cut my hair. Yesterday, I went to Great Clips and a young lady got to have the privilege. For the price I paid, I expected the cut to be not so great...And I was correct.

To those just tuning in, I'm Asian. In the past five years or so, I have realized a few things about my hair and what I need from whoever cuts it:

1. She/He needs to be Asian.
          Okay, not "needs to be," but someone who understands how Asian hair has to be cut. No matter who the Asian is, Asian hair is thick as all hell. Even if you hear an Asian (or specifically an Oriental) say that their hair is thin, call bullshit. The only Asians who have thin hair are probably babies and possibly the elderly. Every time I have gone to a white person and asked for "a trim and thin," they don't understand.
2. I need to be able to go at least three months without having to get a haircut.
          For the price I pay at any hair studio (I've paid between $30 and $50 over the years, and every time have been utterly disappointed), I should be able to without a cut for the next months, not go back the next day. Great Clips was an exception because the price I paid wasn't anywhere near that, but I've had an experience where I literally paid $50 and had to go back the next day because the stylist missed cutting a bunch of long strands right above my ears and she left blunt cuts at the back of my head. Like, excuse me, did you not realize I would go home and inspect every inch of my head? You think I don't have two mirrors so I can look at the back of my head? Bitch please. Also, a month after getting the haircut, I shouldn't have an oddly shaped head of hair. *****You KNOW you have a good hairdresser on your hands when you can go months on end without having to go back. Don't EVER let them go because they're gems and hard to find if you lose them. I know, because I had an amazing hairdresser, and then she moved away to a less reachable area by transit, and have been depressed ever since.
3. She/He has to be creative.
          That perfect hairdresser I mentioned a few seconds ago? Whenever I told her what I wanted (usually a trim here and there, and a thin), she did that and more. She gave me cuts that were above and beyond my expectations, always different, but they were constantly gorgeous. The cost was unbelievably inexpensive as well, but I always tipped well because she deserved it. These past years though? Very uninspired. I find that no matter who I go to, my hair always looks the same, just a tiny bit shorter. Am I asking too much? I'm even trying to grow my hair out! How does it still look similar though?


That's all I've got for now. Every time in the past five years or whatever, I've always had to take up a pair of scissors and snip more than a few strands of hair for myself. It might be my fault for entrusting my hair to so many different people and never getting the results I want, but I think it's fair to want more hair stylists to understand that there are more hair types and colours and cuts in the world than just what they're used to. No one's hair is the same and these hair people need to understand that. I have a friend who has extremely curly hair and she has to see a specialist to tame her curls. Unfortunately, since the hairdresser is a specialist, she charges an arm and a leg and is usually booked for a couple months before my friend can get an appointment. I've had another friend with curly hair who said most hair stylists straighten her hair before cutting it. Excuse me but that straight hair curls back up after a shower and then you can't see the difference, so what's the point?

What are your hair woes? Got any tips for me?