My Theory

I realized, a few minutes ago, that I don't have a family.
I wrote a post a while back, talking about my dad and his anger issues. Since that time, each member of my immediate family has gone into solitude, including myself. And I think it has been a long time coming.
I remember being happy. I remember when we didn't argue as much as we do now, or when we didn't have long and uncomfortable silences around the dinner table. I liked those times. But those times were also filled with ignorance. My parents shut my sister and I out of what was going on between the two of them, mostly financially, but I'm sure there were some physical, spiritual, and emotional stuff too. We were also younger, and we didn't know any better. Now that my sister and I are older, our dad tells us what's going on now, but Mom tries to keep us in the dark, occasionally yelling at us to go find a job and help out on the money side, revealing her fears of the future.
Merriam-Webster Online defines family many different ways: (1) a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head, (2) a group of persons of common ancestry, (3) a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation, and so on.
Personally, I don't think these definitions give the concept of family justice. A family should love, respect, have faith in, and enjoy each other. And right now, my family is not doing that.
I have other families too: my school(s) family, my camp family, and a little bit of a church family, but I'm sorry to say that these families are temporary. I don't live with any of these families 24/7/365. And if I did, it wouldn't be the same, because each member of each family has different values, ethics, morals, views, etc. so arguments could flare up just as easily. There's also an element of trust. I have dark corners buried within me, some I may not even remember today, and sharing this darkness isn't easily up for grabs. Even if someone earns it and I spill my guts, there's the slight chance that this person will judge me very harshly because of these secrets.
I know there are some of you out there who would say that you won't judge me, but who are you kidding? Everyone judges everyone. We can't stop. I know I can't. I think thoughts about someone, and the right after that, I think that that was wrong and I shouldn't have done that. But those thoughts would continue to nag me, those judgements about someone I didn't have the right to judge.

None of this might be making sense to you, whoever is reading this. But I just needed to write something about it.
I'm sad that my family is falling apart, and I don't know what to do about it. There's a good chance that I won't be able to do anything about it, because of the stubbornness of each person in my immediate family: my dad won't go to counseling; my mom seems to be bipolar; and my sister isn't going to help around the house on her own accord. We act like it's all good on the outside, but we're being hollowed out on the inside.