Is it horrible to say I don't have any friends?
My definition of a friend is someone who cares; who will listen to everything aggravating, depressing, shocking, exciting; who wants to get to know you; who you're comfortable to be with; and who doesn't become awkward after one silence. I find that this happens to me with everyone I know. I think I'm the problem with all of my friendships: I've become more of a recluse than when I was younger, choosing to be alone and in my room, conversing with strangers on the internet instead of out and about in the real world with real people. I don't text my friends as often as I used to, or I'd rather be eloquent in a text instead of in person. I'd rather be reading fan fiction than at a party; drinking water instead of alcohol; writing a blog post instead of talking to someone.
At one time, I would have considered my sister to be my best friend, the person I could tell anything to. Now, I can't, because I don't even know who she is anymore.
People change. Or they don't. I've heard both. I think I'm just my younger self magnified: I haven't grown up yet. And I don't want to. But I don't think I have a choice, do I? Everyone has to become independent and responsible at some point. Unfortunately, I've delayed my adulthood and it's going to blindside me. I'm not looking forward to it.
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