One day, I might actually email this to my favourite author and YouTuber, but for now, it'll be memorialized on my blog.
Dear John Green,
I just finished reading your latest novel, The Fault in Our Stars, after a year and a half wait since its publication. Let me tell you why, as well as telling you a little bit about myself, and telling you about my thoughts about your novel and asking my questions.
Right out of high school, I went to university. My mom was very adamant to my sister and myself to finish at least one year of post-secondary because she was scared that we would never go back to school otherwise. (It was basically a waste of time on her part however, because my sister is now currently out of school.) In my first year, I went to Trinity Western University, in British Columbia. It's the only Christian university in BC, I believe, and I felt that having a foundation of Christian teaching, as well as smaller class sizes with a better teacher-to-student ratio and a 30 minute transit commute, would be good for me and a good ease into post-secondary.
After my first year, I was somewhat dissatisfied with Trinity: ridiculous tuition costs, the community wasn't very supportive, and I had difficulties making friends on a continuous basis, even though I was keeping my average from high school unlike many of my high school friends. So, I decided to transfer to another school, Simon Fraser University, with monstrous class sizes, barely any professor attention, and a 2 hour transit commute from my home. But I paid less for transportation and tuition, and I got to meet up with old high school friends from my hometown.
Now, I don't know if you had this happen to you, but as my university semesters went on, my motivation to read fiction diminished considerably. In high school, I would devour 10+ novels every week; I told my sister that our librarian probably got sick of seeing us at the check out counter since we were there almost every day after school. The librarian in question also memorized our student numbers, because we were there so often. Which was nice, because then we wouldn't have to stand there and spout of numbers at a semi-slow pace so she could type them out. Anyway, back to my lessened love of literature: because of my numerous university textbooks, reading for leisure didn't appeal to me, and I would end up sitting down in front of my computer for hours on end, mostly on YouTube, including watching your and Hank's videos on your multiple channels. (I really enjoy Mental Floss, by the way. Rapid fire facts have become a pleasure of mine these days. Nerdfighteria is getting to me, in a good way.)
I managed to squeeze some fiction into my life during those semesters though, I have no idea how. Must've been a break in my consciousness.
Ok, so, your novel.
I want to be bold and say that it wasn't your best, but I horrifically biased: An Abundance of Katherines is my favourite, even after Papertowns and TFiOs. (My friend put it best when she said she and I seem to love mediocrity.) I will confirm this statement thought, after I compose this email since I will be re-reading it.
Ok, Hazel Grace and company: I got angry in the middle of it. Not frustrated about cancer or the characters' thoughts surrounding the cancer; I thought the thoughts were profound and got me thinking, which was nice. Instead, I got angry at the characters.
I tend to do this a lot, with many authors and novels. I find that there are parts where someone would speak, and I would throw a punch in their face because of how I was feeling; I would *need* to react for the character, and sometimes I would, by venting this emotion through words to my sister (since we read many of the books one after the other).
Like with Peter Van Houten. Oh, I'm getting mad right now as I think about him. When I was first introduced to him, I didn't want to read what he had to say; I wanted to skip through his part and continue on with the story. (And I kind of did. I do this thing where I skim through paragraphs to get to the next part, taking in a few words, and getting the gist. One day, I might get over my anger and read the novel again.) I got annoyed. Who was this guy to treat someone with cancer, someone who had an illness like his daughter, and be a total, excuse my language, egotistical ass, complete jerkface, interrupting-every-sentence douche, car-entering idiot, etc? THEN AGAIN, why didn't Hazel or Augustus start talking back to him in Holland? AND THEN, he has the audacity to show up to Augustus' funeral. I was mentally congratulating Hazel when she basically told Van Houten to get the eff out of the car and him looking sad, because he deserved it. Obviously I felt a little twinge of possible understanding when he confirmed he had a daughter with leukaemia like Anna in An Imperial Affliction. Still, doesn't seem like he picked up a pen after the encounter. I can't even BEGIN to comprehend why Lidewij stayed for as long as she did.
Sorry, I may have rambled somewhere in the middle. It was too much for my brain.
Speaking of the assistant, I wanted to know more about her. Maybe you did write about her in the first manuscript, but how did she come in contact with Van Houten? How did she become his assistant? Did she keep in contact with Hazel after her last email?
But I loved Hazel's parents. Her mom was concerned, a little over-bearing but did so out of love, and funny and silly and a little bit sarcastic. Her dad was emotional but kind, and seemed to say the right things at the right time. (I especially liked his comment about the universe wanting to be noticed.) They were nothing like my parentals, which was wonderful and a breath of fresh air; I wish I had parents like that.
Isaac and Gus' banter was amazing too.
A lot of my friends, and my sister, said I would cry, because they did. And since I tend to be an emotional wreck when it comes to things, I thought I would be a puddle at the end. But I didn't shed any tears. Like I said, frustration took the better part of my emotions during the read, but I also laughed a lot, which I didn't think I would be doing much of while consuming the book.
I felt the need to write this right after I finished the book. Now, I'm not sure if it's worth the read. But if you do read it, I hope it wasn't a waste of time. For now, it'll be saved on my blog. I don't know if I'll have the courage to actually send it to you. We'll see. Time will tell. Or it won't. Either way, I'll know I wrote down my thoughts about this book somewhere for the world to see.
Thank you for being awesome. I await your next novel, and my thoughts.
A loyal Nerdfighter,
PaulaJaey
Sunday, 12 May 2013
Thursday, 9 May 2013
My Theory
I realized, a few minutes ago, that I don't have a family.
I wrote a post a while back, talking about my dad and his anger issues. Since that time, each member of my immediate family has gone into solitude, including myself. And I think it has been a long time coming.
I remember being happy. I remember when we didn't argue as much as we do now, or when we didn't have long and uncomfortable silences around the dinner table. I liked those times. But those times were also filled with ignorance. My parents shut my sister and I out of what was going on between the two of them, mostly financially, but I'm sure there were some physical, spiritual, and emotional stuff too. We were also younger, and we didn't know any better. Now that my sister and I are older, our dad tells us what's going on now, but Mom tries to keep us in the dark, occasionally yelling at us to go find a job and help out on the money side, revealing her fears of the future.
Merriam-Webster Online defines family many different ways: (1) a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head, (2) a group of persons of common ancestry, (3) a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation, and so on.
Personally, I don't think these definitions give the concept of family justice. A family should love, respect, have faith in, and enjoy each other. And right now, my family is not doing that.
I have other families too: my school(s) family, my camp family, and a little bit of a church family, but I'm sorry to say that these families are temporary. I don't live with any of these families 24/7/365. And if I did, it wouldn't be the same, because each member of each family has different values, ethics, morals, views, etc. so arguments could flare up just as easily. There's also an element of trust. I have dark corners buried within me, some I may not even remember today, and sharing this darkness isn't easily up for grabs. Even if someone earns it and I spill my guts, there's the slight chance that this person will judge me very harshly because of these secrets.
I know there are some of you out there who would say that you won't judge me, but who are you kidding? Everyone judges everyone. We can't stop. I know I can't. I think thoughts about someone, and the right after that, I think that that was wrong and I shouldn't have done that. But those thoughts would continue to nag me, those judgements about someone I didn't have the right to judge.
None of this might be making sense to you, whoever is reading this. But I just needed to write something about it.
I'm sad that my family is falling apart, and I don't know what to do about it. There's a good chance that I won't be able to do anything about it, because of the stubbornness of each person in my immediate family: my dad won't go to counseling; my mom seems to be bipolar; and my sister isn't going to help around the house on her own accord. We act like it's all good on the outside, but we're being hollowed out on the inside.
I wrote a post a while back, talking about my dad and his anger issues. Since that time, each member of my immediate family has gone into solitude, including myself. And I think it has been a long time coming.
I remember being happy. I remember when we didn't argue as much as we do now, or when we didn't have long and uncomfortable silences around the dinner table. I liked those times. But those times were also filled with ignorance. My parents shut my sister and I out of what was going on between the two of them, mostly financially, but I'm sure there were some physical, spiritual, and emotional stuff too. We were also younger, and we didn't know any better. Now that my sister and I are older, our dad tells us what's going on now, but Mom tries to keep us in the dark, occasionally yelling at us to go find a job and help out on the money side, revealing her fears of the future.
Merriam-Webster Online defines family many different ways: (1) a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head, (2) a group of persons of common ancestry, (3) a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation, and so on.
Personally, I don't think these definitions give the concept of family justice. A family should love, respect, have faith in, and enjoy each other. And right now, my family is not doing that.
I have other families too: my school(s) family, my camp family, and a little bit of a church family, but I'm sorry to say that these families are temporary. I don't live with any of these families 24/7/365. And if I did, it wouldn't be the same, because each member of each family has different values, ethics, morals, views, etc. so arguments could flare up just as easily. There's also an element of trust. I have dark corners buried within me, some I may not even remember today, and sharing this darkness isn't easily up for grabs. Even if someone earns it and I spill my guts, there's the slight chance that this person will judge me very harshly because of these secrets.
I know there are some of you out there who would say that you won't judge me, but who are you kidding? Everyone judges everyone. We can't stop. I know I can't. I think thoughts about someone, and the right after that, I think that that was wrong and I shouldn't have done that. But those thoughts would continue to nag me, those judgements about someone I didn't have the right to judge.
None of this might be making sense to you, whoever is reading this. But I just needed to write something about it.
I'm sad that my family is falling apart, and I don't know what to do about it. There's a good chance that I won't be able to do anything about it, because of the stubbornness of each person in my immediate family: my dad won't go to counseling; my mom seems to be bipolar; and my sister isn't going to help around the house on her own accord. We act like it's all good on the outside, but we're being hollowed out on the inside.
Want-To-Dos
I realized that last week's post was similar to the one a few weeks back. I just went into more detail last week than the other post. Anyway.
I've been having trouble with something, and a lot of my friends have been going through this too: I'm procrastinating to do the things that I want to do. Sounds weird and horrible, but it's the truth. Here's an example. I want to read John Green's The Fault In Our Stars, and have been wanting to read it for a long time. I've read the first couple chapters (in 3 days, I might add ashamedly), but I haven no strong desire to pick it up! And this is my problem.
I used to be a really big bookworm. Like, I'd read 10+ books in a week before university. I would tell my sister that I think our high school librarian is getting sick of seeing our faces every day after school because of the amount of books we checked out.
But now, I'm a university student, and we read a poo-ton of textbooks in a year...and this has lessened my motivation to read fiction. It's really sad.
Maybe once I'm out of university, I'll want to read again, but I won't know until it actually happens.
Have any of you had this problem? What about any other issues you've been having recently? You don't have to spill your guts out to me, but if you want, I'm a good listener. Let me know in the comments below :)
Love.
I've been having trouble with something, and a lot of my friends have been going through this too: I'm procrastinating to do the things that I want to do. Sounds weird and horrible, but it's the truth. Here's an example. I want to read John Green's The Fault In Our Stars, and have been wanting to read it for a long time. I've read the first couple chapters (in 3 days, I might add ashamedly), but I haven no strong desire to pick it up! And this is my problem.
I used to be a really big bookworm. Like, I'd read 10+ books in a week before university. I would tell my sister that I think our high school librarian is getting sick of seeing our faces every day after school because of the amount of books we checked out.
But now, I'm a university student, and we read a poo-ton of textbooks in a year...and this has lessened my motivation to read fiction. It's really sad.
Maybe once I'm out of university, I'll want to read again, but I won't know until it actually happens.
Have any of you had this problem? What about any other issues you've been having recently? You don't have to spill your guts out to me, but if you want, I'm a good listener. Let me know in the comments below :)
Love.
Thursday, 2 May 2013
I'm the Worst/Change
I didn't publish a post last week -_-
No matter, I'm sure you forgive me...Maybe?
But here's the promised post-that-actually-has-a-topic post:
Last semester, I went to a spoken word competition that my friend, Savannah-Rain, was featuring in. But before I went to the venue, I spent some time in my childhood, at the library I went to with my mom and my sister almost every day of my young life. I sat down on a bench outside, eating my lunch, looking at my surroundings. I was thinking how a lot of it changed: everything looked old and stained with little bits of moss, nothing "sparkled" like it did when I was little. It was still a beautiful, sunny day though, so I enjoyed it. There were babies around the grass as well, chasing each other, walking, running, falling. I wondered if they would remember this place as magical like I did. After I finished my lunch, I went into the library to get some homework done. A few things changed inside too, like the entrance, the kids' section, and the hallway to the bathrooms. I also wanted to get online with my laptop, but I couldn't remember what the username/password system worked, so I couldn't get connected to the internet. Anyway, when I left the library, I realized that memories are just that, memories. Even if I remembered something a certain way, there would be no guarantee that that place or thing would be the same. I got a little nostalgic for that concept, how I wish nothing ever changed and things would stay the same as they were in my head. That's not how life works though. Things constantly change, whether we like it or not. We just have to learn to adapt. And slowly, but surely, we'll learn to accept what we thought we couldn't.
Love.
No matter, I'm sure you forgive me...Maybe?
But here's the promised post-that-actually-has-a-topic post:
Last semester, I went to a spoken word competition that my friend, Savannah-Rain, was featuring in. But before I went to the venue, I spent some time in my childhood, at the library I went to with my mom and my sister almost every day of my young life. I sat down on a bench outside, eating my lunch, looking at my surroundings. I was thinking how a lot of it changed: everything looked old and stained with little bits of moss, nothing "sparkled" like it did when I was little. It was still a beautiful, sunny day though, so I enjoyed it. There were babies around the grass as well, chasing each other, walking, running, falling. I wondered if they would remember this place as magical like I did. After I finished my lunch, I went into the library to get some homework done. A few things changed inside too, like the entrance, the kids' section, and the hallway to the bathrooms. I also wanted to get online with my laptop, but I couldn't remember what the username/password system worked, so I couldn't get connected to the internet. Anyway, when I left the library, I realized that memories are just that, memories. Even if I remembered something a certain way, there would be no guarantee that that place or thing would be the same. I got a little nostalgic for that concept, how I wish nothing ever changed and things would stay the same as they were in my head. That's not how life works though. Things constantly change, whether we like it or not. We just have to learn to adapt. And slowly, but surely, we'll learn to accept what we thought we couldn't.
Love.
Wednesday, 17 April 2013
FREEDOM
I had my English final from 7:00 to 9:30 this evening, I got home around 10:40, and I have 30 minutes to spare before I get this post published on time! Woo!
Not much to say, except that I finished school for the semester. Now, I just want to relax and go to sleep. Sorry for the disappointing post. Again. But, like I said in my last post, next week will start the more interesting topic'd posts! I hope you're excited.
I have a few more dreams that I will post on my dream blog in the near future, so stay tuned for that!
Love.
Not much to say, except that I finished school for the semester. Now, I just want to relax and go to sleep. Sorry for the disappointing post. Again. But, like I said in my last post, next week will start the more interesting topic'd posts! I hope you're excited.
I have a few more dreams that I will post on my dream blog in the near future, so stay tuned for that!
Love.
Wednesday, 10 April 2013
Finals
They're coming up for me, so this blog post is basically non-existent. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'll probably be back to more interesting topics in a couple weeks, the week after next week. But right now, I'll have my nose in the books...Or I'll try to.
Love.
PS. I am posting up on my dream blog more regularly though. At least, when I have the dreams. Check it out if you miss me ;)
Wednesday, 3 April 2013
Blogilates!
Hey guys, I forgot to make a post earlier, and now I don't have time to write a full post since I'm going to bed soon. I do want to say that I'm seriously wanting to lose weight this year, and I've been needing to find a way to be motivated to do so, since gyms scare me (crazy athletic/fit people walking around looking like they own the place, me being awkward and not as physically in shape) and I usually just sit around at home on my computer. Well, my sister showed me this vlogger, who does "pilates" workouts. Actually, I knew about her too, from Lindy aka bubzbeauty on YouTube: it's Cassey from blogilates on YouTube! She also has a blog, which is pretty cool. She gives health tips, food recipes, and different types of workouts. She has a workout calendar too, and I signed up for it, except that it's not working, which tells me that Cassey hasn't been on her blog in a while ;) Anyway, if you guys want to check it out, I highly recommend it. So far, I've been doing her warmup cardio video, and her Call Me Maybe Gangnam Style Squat Challenge video. They're super intense, but they're really good! I will definitely be checking out more of her stuff later on this week.
I hope all of you are doing well, check ya next week!
Love.
I hope all of you are doing well, check ya next week!
Love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)