Well

NSFW Twitter has been weird for me right now. Maybe it's because I've been talking to new people or because it's not enough anymore, like I want to have a real life encounter...It's still very arousing, but a lot of the accounts I come across are younger guys and gals, and I'd like to have conversations with those close to my age and/or older. They're hard to find it seems.

Also, I know myself, and if I was in a relationship, I don't think I could be around the person 24/7. I'd need to not be with them for a period of time, which might be unheard of for some people. Yes, having someone to cuddle with at night and to experience a portion of my life with would be great, but at the same time, I'd just be like, "K, go over there and leave me alone for a bit because I need my space." I'd like to know I can be someone without needing someone else. I've lived almost 25 years of my life without a partner and I still sometimes feel lost, not knowing who I am or where I belong; I'd need someone who would just add to or enhance to my already existing personality. That'd be great. That would also mean weeding through the 8 billion people on the planet to find the person. Not sure if I want to go through the trouble.

I mentioned I went to the state fair a couple days ago. I went with my church's youth group. This tends to happen anywhere I go when I also attend a place with my sister, but they all asked me where she was. And I had to repeat myself twenty times, saying she was at work. It's like they couldn't imagine me not being with her at all times of the day, which can be very annoying, like hello? I am an individual, not a pair with my sister, please care about me too. Ask me how I'm doing, how I'm feeling, what I did that day, not "hey, where's your sister? How come she's not here too?" Otherwise, don't ask me anything.

Anyway, I've logged out for now, before I spiral down into an emotional mess. I could feel it coming. My Twitter crush (or TC as some accounts have so aptly acronymed) has been busy and distant now, and he's the only one I really want to talk to. Don't think I'll be able to for a while still. (I have the distinct feeling he does not think of me the same way, which saddens me, but I'd rather have him in my life than not at all. I might just be hurting myself in the long run by doing this.)


I hope you all have been well!