...is ridiculously difficult. I've been told it has to do with what you eat, but the problem is (as I have mentioned before) is that I love food. There's a good chance that I shouldn't eat what I eat, but I do, because it's delicious.
Then there's this thing where you can eliminate one thing from your diet, like sugar or carbs or just wheat or whatever you want, but that's hard for me too. How do you know there's no sugar in pasta? And I can't not eat carbs. It is necessary sometimes.
I have tried though. I went without sugar for...three days. Ok, not even, but I tried! Like only having one sugary thing a day, whether it be a piece of candy or a yogourt. Currently, I'm trying to just eat less of what I have been eating. Like instead of two servings, I'll just have one, or I'll just have a handful of chips instead of five. And I've been drinking water like crazy and eating fruits (bananas, apples, whatever we have in the house) instead of other types of not-so-good-for-you snacks.
I am also "working out," if you can call it that. I already told you guys about Cassey from Blogilates. So far, I've been doing a number of her workouts, but what I'm doing these days is her "Stretching for Flexibility" video and then this "Sexy Leg and Butt Workout" that bubzbeauty (a beauty guru I have also talked about) did in one of her vlogs. I'm also doing some lifting weights, but they're only three pounders, so it's not much.
I'm also going to let you know that I haven't been working out the Saturday-Tuesday of this past weekend. I was away from home, and having a routine while "vacationing" isn't really possible. Different environment, different foods, different schedule, etc. And I gained 3 pounds from that trip. But I am going to get back on track...even though I'm leaving again tomorrow. This is going to be a wonderful year for losing weight. I have a feeling that I won't be losing anything, but here's to hoping I will.
Love.
Thursday 30 May 2013
Thursday 23 May 2013
ASMR
I've actually been listening to and watching ASMR videos on YouTube for a while now, to get to sleep. It's interesting but also sad how dependent I've become towards these videos and these ASMRtists, like I can't fall asleep without listening to one through my phone.
Ok, some background, for those of you who don't know what ASMR is:
ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response...I literally Googled that because I didn't know what it stood for. And I didn't read anything else on it, all I know is that it makes me feel nice and relaxed before I completely shut down to rest.
There's one aspect of it, which I'm not sure how it fits into all of this, but how I know it works for me: I get "tingles" at the back of my head, and it feels soooo good. I didn't understand what these ASMRtists were talking about in their videos, but once I started watching them, I got hooked.
One of the questions that many of these YouTubers ask is when was the first time you experienced tingles. It took me a while to figure it out, because my memories blur a little. I've definitely had tingles all of my life, but the one moment where it stands out the most is when I was in grade 5. I needed help with either science or math homework, so one of my friends at the time helped me out. All of a sudden, I had this weird sensation going on in my head, somewhere at the back of my brain. It felt really nice, and I wanted it to continue, but it didn't. I don't know how long it lasted for, but I think it was quite a while.
Anyway, some of my favourite ASMRtists are GentleWhispering, TheWaterWhispers, and UnicornWhispers. All three of them are really great in their own ways, and I'm currently obsessed with their videos, slowly going through their combined 300 videos or so. Check them out if you're having trouble relaxing and/or going to sleep.
Love.
Ok, some background, for those of you who don't know what ASMR is:
ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response...I literally Googled that because I didn't know what it stood for. And I didn't read anything else on it, all I know is that it makes me feel nice and relaxed before I completely shut down to rest.
There's one aspect of it, which I'm not sure how it fits into all of this, but how I know it works for me: I get "tingles" at the back of my head, and it feels soooo good. I didn't understand what these ASMRtists were talking about in their videos, but once I started watching them, I got hooked.
One of the questions that many of these YouTubers ask is when was the first time you experienced tingles. It took me a while to figure it out, because my memories blur a little. I've definitely had tingles all of my life, but the one moment where it stands out the most is when I was in grade 5. I needed help with either science or math homework, so one of my friends at the time helped me out. All of a sudden, I had this weird sensation going on in my head, somewhere at the back of my brain. It felt really nice, and I wanted it to continue, but it didn't. I don't know how long it lasted for, but I think it was quite a while.
Anyway, some of my favourite ASMRtists are GentleWhispering, TheWaterWhispers, and UnicornWhispers. All three of them are really great in their own ways, and I'm currently obsessed with their videos, slowly going through their combined 300 videos or so. Check them out if you're having trouble relaxing and/or going to sleep.
Love.
Thursday 16 May 2013
Make-up
I'm 20 years old, if you haven't guessed already. (Some of my blog posts may have hinted to this fact, since I have told you guys what year of university I'm in...)
And I don't wear make-up on a regular basis.
Ever since I was a little girl, I told myself, and the people around me, I would never wear make-up.
So far, I have kept to this statement, except on special occasions like my high school graduation. On rare occasions, I put on a lip gloss, but I usually have my trusty Burt's Bees lip balm around and that's what I put on my lips. (I'm really into natural things, ingredients I can read and understand.)
But now I'm thinking, knowing how to put make-up on myself, and on other people, would be a good skill to learn and to have.
Obviously I wouldn't wear the whole sha-bang every single day, since when I do put make-up on, taking it off is the worst part. (The last time I put eyeliner on, it took about 6 Q-tips, both sides, and one round cotton disc to take it all off, because I was paranoid the liner was hiding in my lashes and it would be there forever. I also refuse to put on mascara because that shit would take even more time to remove; my lashes are naturally long, if I do say so myself.)
When I would need to put on make-up though, for nice events and certain occasions, I would know like to know how to put the stuff in a nice way, instead of guessing and half-assing it.
I look at the beauty gurus' tutorials and videos (bubzbeauty on YouTube! She's the only one I'm subscribed to however: she's very down to earth, silly, cute; she's not afraid to make a fool out of herself and I admire her for that) and how they put make-up on. They do it effortlessly, but I know that they practiced and experimented a lot with different products, and that's why they're so good. I don't want to practice though. I'm not down with putting something on and taking it off right after, especially if it takes more than 5 seconds to remove.
...So basically I'm just being lazy and pessimistic. What's new? :)
I hope you guys didn't mind the round-aboutedness of this post. Haha, my brain, it's lovely.
Love.
And I don't wear make-up on a regular basis.
Ever since I was a little girl, I told myself, and the people around me, I would never wear make-up.
So far, I have kept to this statement, except on special occasions like my high school graduation. On rare occasions, I put on a lip gloss, but I usually have my trusty Burt's Bees lip balm around and that's what I put on my lips. (I'm really into natural things, ingredients I can read and understand.)
But now I'm thinking, knowing how to put make-up on myself, and on other people, would be a good skill to learn and to have.
Obviously I wouldn't wear the whole sha-bang every single day, since when I do put make-up on, taking it off is the worst part. (The last time I put eyeliner on, it took about 6 Q-tips, both sides, and one round cotton disc to take it all off, because I was paranoid the liner was hiding in my lashes and it would be there forever. I also refuse to put on mascara because that shit would take even more time to remove; my lashes are naturally long, if I do say so myself.)
When I would need to put on make-up though, for nice events and certain occasions, I would know like to know how to put the stuff in a nice way, instead of guessing and half-assing it.
I look at the beauty gurus' tutorials and videos (bubzbeauty on YouTube! She's the only one I'm subscribed to however: she's very down to earth, silly, cute; she's not afraid to make a fool out of herself and I admire her for that) and how they put make-up on. They do it effortlessly, but I know that they practiced and experimented a lot with different products, and that's why they're so good. I don't want to practice though. I'm not down with putting something on and taking it off right after, especially if it takes more than 5 seconds to remove.
...So basically I'm just being lazy and pessimistic. What's new? :)
I hope you guys didn't mind the round-aboutedness of this post. Haha, my brain, it's lovely.
Love.
Sunday 12 May 2013
To John Green
One day, I might actually email this to my favourite author and YouTuber, but for now, it'll be memorialized on my blog.
Dear John Green,
I just finished reading your latest novel, The Fault in Our Stars, after a year and a half wait since its publication. Let me tell you why, as well as telling you a little bit about myself, and telling you about my thoughts about your novel and asking my questions.
Right out of high school, I went to university. My mom was very adamant to my sister and myself to finish at least one year of post-secondary because she was scared that we would never go back to school otherwise. (It was basically a waste of time on her part however, because my sister is now currently out of school.) In my first year, I went to Trinity Western University, in British Columbia. It's the only Christian university in BC, I believe, and I felt that having a foundation of Christian teaching, as well as smaller class sizes with a better teacher-to-student ratio and a 30 minute transit commute, would be good for me and a good ease into post-secondary.
After my first year, I was somewhat dissatisfied with Trinity: ridiculous tuition costs, the community wasn't very supportive, and I had difficulties making friends on a continuous basis, even though I was keeping my average from high school unlike many of my high school friends. So, I decided to transfer to another school, Simon Fraser University, with monstrous class sizes, barely any professor attention, and a 2 hour transit commute from my home. But I paid less for transportation and tuition, and I got to meet up with old high school friends from my hometown.
Now, I don't know if you had this happen to you, but as my university semesters went on, my motivation to read fiction diminished considerably. In high school, I would devour 10+ novels every week; I told my sister that our librarian probably got sick of seeing us at the check out counter since we were there almost every day after school. The librarian in question also memorized our student numbers, because we were there so often. Which was nice, because then we wouldn't have to stand there and spout of numbers at a semi-slow pace so she could type them out. Anyway, back to my lessened love of literature: because of my numerous university textbooks, reading for leisure didn't appeal to me, and I would end up sitting down in front of my computer for hours on end, mostly on YouTube, including watching your and Hank's videos on your multiple channels. (I really enjoy Mental Floss, by the way. Rapid fire facts have become a pleasure of mine these days. Nerdfighteria is getting to me, in a good way.)
I managed to squeeze some fiction into my life during those semesters though, I have no idea how. Must've been a break in my consciousness.
Ok, so, your novel.
I want to be bold and say that it wasn't your best, but I horrifically biased: An Abundance of Katherines is my favourite, even after Papertowns and TFiOs. (My friend put it best when she said she and I seem to love mediocrity.) I will confirm this statement thought, after I compose this email since I will be re-reading it.
Ok, Hazel Grace and company: I got angry in the middle of it. Not frustrated about cancer or the characters' thoughts surrounding the cancer; I thought the thoughts were profound and got me thinking, which was nice. Instead, I got angry at the characters.
I tend to do this a lot, with many authors and novels. I find that there are parts where someone would speak, and I would throw a punch in their face because of how I was feeling; I would *need* to react for the character, and sometimes I would, by venting this emotion through words to my sister (since we read many of the books one after the other).
Like with Peter Van Houten. Oh, I'm getting mad right now as I think about him. When I was first introduced to him, I didn't want to read what he had to say; I wanted to skip through his part and continue on with the story. (And I kind of did. I do this thing where I skim through paragraphs to get to the next part, taking in a few words, and getting the gist. One day, I might get over my anger and read the novel again.) I got annoyed. Who was this guy to treat someone with cancer, someone who had an illness like his daughter, and be a total, excuse my language, egotistical ass, complete jerkface, interrupting-every-sentence douche, car-entering idiot, etc? THEN AGAIN, why didn't Hazel or Augustus start talking back to him in Holland? AND THEN, he has the audacity to show up to Augustus' funeral. I was mentally congratulating Hazel when she basically told Van Houten to get the eff out of the car and him looking sad, because he deserved it. Obviously I felt a little twinge of possible understanding when he confirmed he had a daughter with leukaemia like Anna in An Imperial Affliction. Still, doesn't seem like he picked up a pen after the encounter. I can't even BEGIN to comprehend why Lidewij stayed for as long as she did.
Sorry, I may have rambled somewhere in the middle. It was too much for my brain.
Speaking of the assistant, I wanted to know more about her. Maybe you did write about her in the first manuscript, but how did she come in contact with Van Houten? How did she become his assistant? Did she keep in contact with Hazel after her last email?
But I loved Hazel's parents. Her mom was concerned, a little over-bearing but did so out of love, and funny and silly and a little bit sarcastic. Her dad was emotional but kind, and seemed to say the right things at the right time. (I especially liked his comment about the universe wanting to be noticed.) They were nothing like my parentals, which was wonderful and a breath of fresh air; I wish I had parents like that.
Isaac and Gus' banter was amazing too.
A lot of my friends, and my sister, said I would cry, because they did. And since I tend to be an emotional wreck when it comes to things, I thought I would be a puddle at the end. But I didn't shed any tears. Like I said, frustration took the better part of my emotions during the read, but I also laughed a lot, which I didn't think I would be doing much of while consuming the book.
I felt the need to write this right after I finished the book. Now, I'm not sure if it's worth the read. But if you do read it, I hope it wasn't a waste of time. For now, it'll be saved on my blog. I don't know if I'll have the courage to actually send it to you. We'll see. Time will tell. Or it won't. Either way, I'll know I wrote down my thoughts about this book somewhere for the world to see.
Thank you for being awesome. I await your next novel, and my thoughts.
A loyal Nerdfighter,
PaulaJaey
Dear John Green,
I just finished reading your latest novel, The Fault in Our Stars, after a year and a half wait since its publication. Let me tell you why, as well as telling you a little bit about myself, and telling you about my thoughts about your novel and asking my questions.
Right out of high school, I went to university. My mom was very adamant to my sister and myself to finish at least one year of post-secondary because she was scared that we would never go back to school otherwise. (It was basically a waste of time on her part however, because my sister is now currently out of school.) In my first year, I went to Trinity Western University, in British Columbia. It's the only Christian university in BC, I believe, and I felt that having a foundation of Christian teaching, as well as smaller class sizes with a better teacher-to-student ratio and a 30 minute transit commute, would be good for me and a good ease into post-secondary.
After my first year, I was somewhat dissatisfied with Trinity: ridiculous tuition costs, the community wasn't very supportive, and I had difficulties making friends on a continuous basis, even though I was keeping my average from high school unlike many of my high school friends. So, I decided to transfer to another school, Simon Fraser University, with monstrous class sizes, barely any professor attention, and a 2 hour transit commute from my home. But I paid less for transportation and tuition, and I got to meet up with old high school friends from my hometown.
Now, I don't know if you had this happen to you, but as my university semesters went on, my motivation to read fiction diminished considerably. In high school, I would devour 10+ novels every week; I told my sister that our librarian probably got sick of seeing us at the check out counter since we were there almost every day after school. The librarian in question also memorized our student numbers, because we were there so often. Which was nice, because then we wouldn't have to stand there and spout of numbers at a semi-slow pace so she could type them out. Anyway, back to my lessened love of literature: because of my numerous university textbooks, reading for leisure didn't appeal to me, and I would end up sitting down in front of my computer for hours on end, mostly on YouTube, including watching your and Hank's videos on your multiple channels. (I really enjoy Mental Floss, by the way. Rapid fire facts have become a pleasure of mine these days. Nerdfighteria is getting to me, in a good way.)
I managed to squeeze some fiction into my life during those semesters though, I have no idea how. Must've been a break in my consciousness.
Ok, so, your novel.
I want to be bold and say that it wasn't your best, but I horrifically biased: An Abundance of Katherines is my favourite, even after Papertowns and TFiOs. (My friend put it best when she said she and I seem to love mediocrity.) I will confirm this statement thought, after I compose this email since I will be re-reading it.
Ok, Hazel Grace and company: I got angry in the middle of it. Not frustrated about cancer or the characters' thoughts surrounding the cancer; I thought the thoughts were profound and got me thinking, which was nice. Instead, I got angry at the characters.
I tend to do this a lot, with many authors and novels. I find that there are parts where someone would speak, and I would throw a punch in their face because of how I was feeling; I would *need* to react for the character, and sometimes I would, by venting this emotion through words to my sister (since we read many of the books one after the other).
Like with Peter Van Houten. Oh, I'm getting mad right now as I think about him. When I was first introduced to him, I didn't want to read what he had to say; I wanted to skip through his part and continue on with the story. (And I kind of did. I do this thing where I skim through paragraphs to get to the next part, taking in a few words, and getting the gist. One day, I might get over my anger and read the novel again.) I got annoyed. Who was this guy to treat someone with cancer, someone who had an illness like his daughter, and be a total, excuse my language, egotistical ass, complete jerkface, interrupting-every-sentence douche, car-entering idiot, etc? THEN AGAIN, why didn't Hazel or Augustus start talking back to him in Holland? AND THEN, he has the audacity to show up to Augustus' funeral. I was mentally congratulating Hazel when she basically told Van Houten to get the eff out of the car and him looking sad, because he deserved it. Obviously I felt a little twinge of possible understanding when he confirmed he had a daughter with leukaemia like Anna in An Imperial Affliction. Still, doesn't seem like he picked up a pen after the encounter. I can't even BEGIN to comprehend why Lidewij stayed for as long as she did.
Sorry, I may have rambled somewhere in the middle. It was too much for my brain.
Speaking of the assistant, I wanted to know more about her. Maybe you did write about her in the first manuscript, but how did she come in contact with Van Houten? How did she become his assistant? Did she keep in contact with Hazel after her last email?
But I loved Hazel's parents. Her mom was concerned, a little over-bearing but did so out of love, and funny and silly and a little bit sarcastic. Her dad was emotional but kind, and seemed to say the right things at the right time. (I especially liked his comment about the universe wanting to be noticed.) They were nothing like my parentals, which was wonderful and a breath of fresh air; I wish I had parents like that.
Isaac and Gus' banter was amazing too.
A lot of my friends, and my sister, said I would cry, because they did. And since I tend to be an emotional wreck when it comes to things, I thought I would be a puddle at the end. But I didn't shed any tears. Like I said, frustration took the better part of my emotions during the read, but I also laughed a lot, which I didn't think I would be doing much of while consuming the book.
I felt the need to write this right after I finished the book. Now, I'm not sure if it's worth the read. But if you do read it, I hope it wasn't a waste of time. For now, it'll be saved on my blog. I don't know if I'll have the courage to actually send it to you. We'll see. Time will tell. Or it won't. Either way, I'll know I wrote down my thoughts about this book somewhere for the world to see.
Thank you for being awesome. I await your next novel, and my thoughts.
A loyal Nerdfighter,
PaulaJaey
Thursday 9 May 2013
My Theory
I realized, a few minutes ago, that I don't have a family.
I wrote a post a while back, talking about my dad and his anger issues. Since that time, each member of my immediate family has gone into solitude, including myself. And I think it has been a long time coming.
I remember being happy. I remember when we didn't argue as much as we do now, or when we didn't have long and uncomfortable silences around the dinner table. I liked those times. But those times were also filled with ignorance. My parents shut my sister and I out of what was going on between the two of them, mostly financially, but I'm sure there were some physical, spiritual, and emotional stuff too. We were also younger, and we didn't know any better. Now that my sister and I are older, our dad tells us what's going on now, but Mom tries to keep us in the dark, occasionally yelling at us to go find a job and help out on the money side, revealing her fears of the future.
Merriam-Webster Online defines family many different ways: (1) a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head, (2) a group of persons of common ancestry, (3) a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation, and so on.
Personally, I don't think these definitions give the concept of family justice. A family should love, respect, have faith in, and enjoy each other. And right now, my family is not doing that.
I have other families too: my school(s) family, my camp family, and a little bit of a church family, but I'm sorry to say that these families are temporary. I don't live with any of these families 24/7/365. And if I did, it wouldn't be the same, because each member of each family has different values, ethics, morals, views, etc. so arguments could flare up just as easily. There's also an element of trust. I have dark corners buried within me, some I may not even remember today, and sharing this darkness isn't easily up for grabs. Even if someone earns it and I spill my guts, there's the slight chance that this person will judge me very harshly because of these secrets.
I know there are some of you out there who would say that you won't judge me, but who are you kidding? Everyone judges everyone. We can't stop. I know I can't. I think thoughts about someone, and the right after that, I think that that was wrong and I shouldn't have done that. But those thoughts would continue to nag me, those judgements about someone I didn't have the right to judge.
None of this might be making sense to you, whoever is reading this. But I just needed to write something about it.
I'm sad that my family is falling apart, and I don't know what to do about it. There's a good chance that I won't be able to do anything about it, because of the stubbornness of each person in my immediate family: my dad won't go to counseling; my mom seems to be bipolar; and my sister isn't going to help around the house on her own accord. We act like it's all good on the outside, but we're being hollowed out on the inside.
I wrote a post a while back, talking about my dad and his anger issues. Since that time, each member of my immediate family has gone into solitude, including myself. And I think it has been a long time coming.
I remember being happy. I remember when we didn't argue as much as we do now, or when we didn't have long and uncomfortable silences around the dinner table. I liked those times. But those times were also filled with ignorance. My parents shut my sister and I out of what was going on between the two of them, mostly financially, but I'm sure there were some physical, spiritual, and emotional stuff too. We were also younger, and we didn't know any better. Now that my sister and I are older, our dad tells us what's going on now, but Mom tries to keep us in the dark, occasionally yelling at us to go find a job and help out on the money side, revealing her fears of the future.
Merriam-Webster Online defines family many different ways: (1) a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head, (2) a group of persons of common ancestry, (3) a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation, and so on.
Personally, I don't think these definitions give the concept of family justice. A family should love, respect, have faith in, and enjoy each other. And right now, my family is not doing that.
I have other families too: my school(s) family, my camp family, and a little bit of a church family, but I'm sorry to say that these families are temporary. I don't live with any of these families 24/7/365. And if I did, it wouldn't be the same, because each member of each family has different values, ethics, morals, views, etc. so arguments could flare up just as easily. There's also an element of trust. I have dark corners buried within me, some I may not even remember today, and sharing this darkness isn't easily up for grabs. Even if someone earns it and I spill my guts, there's the slight chance that this person will judge me very harshly because of these secrets.
I know there are some of you out there who would say that you won't judge me, but who are you kidding? Everyone judges everyone. We can't stop. I know I can't. I think thoughts about someone, and the right after that, I think that that was wrong and I shouldn't have done that. But those thoughts would continue to nag me, those judgements about someone I didn't have the right to judge.
None of this might be making sense to you, whoever is reading this. But I just needed to write something about it.
I'm sad that my family is falling apart, and I don't know what to do about it. There's a good chance that I won't be able to do anything about it, because of the stubbornness of each person in my immediate family: my dad won't go to counseling; my mom seems to be bipolar; and my sister isn't going to help around the house on her own accord. We act like it's all good on the outside, but we're being hollowed out on the inside.
Want-To-Dos
I realized that last week's post was similar to the one a few weeks back. I just went into more detail last week than the other post. Anyway.
I've been having trouble with something, and a lot of my friends have been going through this too: I'm procrastinating to do the things that I want to do. Sounds weird and horrible, but it's the truth. Here's an example. I want to read John Green's The Fault In Our Stars, and have been wanting to read it for a long time. I've read the first couple chapters (in 3 days, I might add ashamedly), but I haven no strong desire to pick it up! And this is my problem.
I used to be a really big bookworm. Like, I'd read 10+ books in a week before university. I would tell my sister that I think our high school librarian is getting sick of seeing our faces every day after school because of the amount of books we checked out.
But now, I'm a university student, and we read a poo-ton of textbooks in a year...and this has lessened my motivation to read fiction. It's really sad.
Maybe once I'm out of university, I'll want to read again, but I won't know until it actually happens.
Have any of you had this problem? What about any other issues you've been having recently? You don't have to spill your guts out to me, but if you want, I'm a good listener. Let me know in the comments below :)
Love.
I've been having trouble with something, and a lot of my friends have been going through this too: I'm procrastinating to do the things that I want to do. Sounds weird and horrible, but it's the truth. Here's an example. I want to read John Green's The Fault In Our Stars, and have been wanting to read it for a long time. I've read the first couple chapters (in 3 days, I might add ashamedly), but I haven no strong desire to pick it up! And this is my problem.
I used to be a really big bookworm. Like, I'd read 10+ books in a week before university. I would tell my sister that I think our high school librarian is getting sick of seeing our faces every day after school because of the amount of books we checked out.
But now, I'm a university student, and we read a poo-ton of textbooks in a year...and this has lessened my motivation to read fiction. It's really sad.
Maybe once I'm out of university, I'll want to read again, but I won't know until it actually happens.
Have any of you had this problem? What about any other issues you've been having recently? You don't have to spill your guts out to me, but if you want, I'm a good listener. Let me know in the comments below :)
Love.
Thursday 2 May 2013
I'm the Worst/Change
I didn't publish a post last week -_-
No matter, I'm sure you forgive me...Maybe?
But here's the promised post-that-actually-has-a-topic post:
Last semester, I went to a spoken word competition that my friend, Savannah-Rain, was featuring in. But before I went to the venue, I spent some time in my childhood, at the library I went to with my mom and my sister almost every day of my young life. I sat down on a bench outside, eating my lunch, looking at my surroundings. I was thinking how a lot of it changed: everything looked old and stained with little bits of moss, nothing "sparkled" like it did when I was little. It was still a beautiful, sunny day though, so I enjoyed it. There were babies around the grass as well, chasing each other, walking, running, falling. I wondered if they would remember this place as magical like I did. After I finished my lunch, I went into the library to get some homework done. A few things changed inside too, like the entrance, the kids' section, and the hallway to the bathrooms. I also wanted to get online with my laptop, but I couldn't remember what the username/password system worked, so I couldn't get connected to the internet. Anyway, when I left the library, I realized that memories are just that, memories. Even if I remembered something a certain way, there would be no guarantee that that place or thing would be the same. I got a little nostalgic for that concept, how I wish nothing ever changed and things would stay the same as they were in my head. That's not how life works though. Things constantly change, whether we like it or not. We just have to learn to adapt. And slowly, but surely, we'll learn to accept what we thought we couldn't.
Love.
No matter, I'm sure you forgive me...Maybe?
But here's the promised post-that-actually-has-a-topic post:
Last semester, I went to a spoken word competition that my friend, Savannah-Rain, was featuring in. But before I went to the venue, I spent some time in my childhood, at the library I went to with my mom and my sister almost every day of my young life. I sat down on a bench outside, eating my lunch, looking at my surroundings. I was thinking how a lot of it changed: everything looked old and stained with little bits of moss, nothing "sparkled" like it did when I was little. It was still a beautiful, sunny day though, so I enjoyed it. There were babies around the grass as well, chasing each other, walking, running, falling. I wondered if they would remember this place as magical like I did. After I finished my lunch, I went into the library to get some homework done. A few things changed inside too, like the entrance, the kids' section, and the hallway to the bathrooms. I also wanted to get online with my laptop, but I couldn't remember what the username/password system worked, so I couldn't get connected to the internet. Anyway, when I left the library, I realized that memories are just that, memories. Even if I remembered something a certain way, there would be no guarantee that that place or thing would be the same. I got a little nostalgic for that concept, how I wish nothing ever changed and things would stay the same as they were in my head. That's not how life works though. Things constantly change, whether we like it or not. We just have to learn to adapt. And slowly, but surely, we'll learn to accept what we thought we couldn't.
Love.
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