I had another meltdown on Friday. Not Saturday, but Friday. It was bad. Started the day with crying, ending the day with sobbing. My weekend has been mostly tear free though, so that's good. Things are looking up somewhat.
I don't know how to...process some of the stuff that's been happening I guess. It's weird talking to so many people from so many places.
I started chatting with people from Lush Stories. I've "made" a few friends, but mainly it's just talking about erotic subjects. I think some of these men want to bring out the slut in me, but she's already around. I know she's there, because someone had already pulled her out of me from Twitter. I know who I am and what I want, sexually at least. Er, wait, not totally who I am sexually, but we'll get there.
I've started taking birth control. It'll take a while before the effects kick in I'm sure and it'll be another while still before I actually have sex, that I know definitely, but I'll have a safety measure in place before anything happens. Peace of mind for me.
How have you guys been? Hopefully well. Let me know (:
Sunday 15 October 2017
Monday 2 October 2017
Guys Suck
I went back on Twitter recently. Like a couple days ago. Yesterday was fantastic actually, I had a lot of fun with one of the guys I talk to. Nothing sexy, just joking around, it was nice. I woke up happy this morning.
Then another guy I talk to had to ruin my day. He shouldn't have been able to but people have an effect on me I'm realizing.
He talks to me on my "normal" account but we also Skype audio call once in a while. He's been making my blood boil recently. Two Saturdays ago, he ended our call abruptly to talk to another girl he has a crush on, a girl he clicks with well. At the time, I knew he was going to talk to her and I knew she was priority, but later on (like a few days later), I got really sad: I was second place to her. And I didn't want to be.
Then this weekend, I messaged him, asking if he was okay. I wanted him to be there for me when I logged back into Twitter after my break, but he wasn't. I didn't get a reply all weekend. Not even a "hey, I'm talking to [insert girl's name here]. That sucks about nsfw Twitter but I'll get back to you after the weekend is over." Yeah, I'd beat him if I could. He doesn't have any manners.
He told me he was single, that he got out of an online relationship recently. But he likes this girl, and I don't know if this is the same girl he had a relationship with or not. He's said he's talked to this girl for a year+ now. He'll be visiting her this week too, and they're gonna spend the entire time fucking apparently, for their joint birthdays. I'm jealous and I'm not. I know they're better suited for each other, closer in age, similar interests. Makes sense he likes her. I'm jealous in that he will put her first, always. Even if we're talking, if she messages or wants to talk to him, he will hang up and focus on her, I'm sure of it. That's not what a friend would do. We're not friends.
I just...he said he wasn't in a relationship. He's not looking for one and he doesn't have a heart or feelings. But he does. He wants a relationship with her and he does have a heart and feelings. It irks me that he pulled me along though. That's he's said he wants to fuck me and make me feel good, and take my virginity for crying out loud. Like fuck no. He's hung up on some other girl, who he thinks is too good for him. She probably is, and she's a cute looking girl. I haven't even seen his face...Ugh, I'm getting annoyed.
I should stop talking to him right? Yeah, probably. It annoys me even more because he's the first guy I had phone sex with. Omg, it's really annoying. Fuck. I can't talk to him on calls anymore. I can't. Just messages. I can do that.
I better be able to do that or else I'm gonna be really mad at myself.
Then another guy I talk to had to ruin my day. He shouldn't have been able to but people have an effect on me I'm realizing.
He talks to me on my "normal" account but we also Skype audio call once in a while. He's been making my blood boil recently. Two Saturdays ago, he ended our call abruptly to talk to another girl he has a crush on, a girl he clicks with well. At the time, I knew he was going to talk to her and I knew she was priority, but later on (like a few days later), I got really sad: I was second place to her. And I didn't want to be.
Then this weekend, I messaged him, asking if he was okay. I wanted him to be there for me when I logged back into Twitter after my break, but he wasn't. I didn't get a reply all weekend. Not even a "hey, I'm talking to [insert girl's name here]. That sucks about nsfw Twitter but I'll get back to you after the weekend is over." Yeah, I'd beat him if I could. He doesn't have any manners.
He told me he was single, that he got out of an online relationship recently. But he likes this girl, and I don't know if this is the same girl he had a relationship with or not. He's said he's talked to this girl for a year+ now. He'll be visiting her this week too, and they're gonna spend the entire time fucking apparently, for their joint birthdays. I'm jealous and I'm not. I know they're better suited for each other, closer in age, similar interests. Makes sense he likes her. I'm jealous in that he will put her first, always. Even if we're talking, if she messages or wants to talk to him, he will hang up and focus on her, I'm sure of it. That's not what a friend would do. We're not friends.
I just...he said he wasn't in a relationship. He's not looking for one and he doesn't have a heart or feelings. But he does. He wants a relationship with her and he does have a heart and feelings. It irks me that he pulled me along though. That's he's said he wants to fuck me and make me feel good, and take my virginity for crying out loud. Like fuck no. He's hung up on some other girl, who he thinks is too good for him. She probably is, and she's a cute looking girl. I haven't even seen his face...Ugh, I'm getting annoyed.
I should stop talking to him right? Yeah, probably. It annoys me even more because he's the first guy I had phone sex with. Omg, it's really annoying. Fuck. I can't talk to him on calls anymore. I can't. Just messages. I can do that.
I better be able to do that or else I'm gonna be really mad at myself.
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