Being Introverted

I'm an introvert.

There's no shame in that. But I didn't realize how much of an introvert I am until this past week.

On Monday, I finally went to the mall to hand out resumes for a job. The teaching-English-in-Korea obsession is waning a little, and I've already spent five months just being at home, writing, social networking, watching movies and shows: I figured it's about time I got out of the house and made a little bit of money. Anyway, by the time Wednesday rolled around, I got calls from two stores for two interviews. The first one was not as bad as the second one. I was more comfortable with the interviewer, talking normally, and being in my own skin. I paused a lot during the first interview, however, because I hadn't been on an interview in a long time and I didn't really know how to answer the questions because I didn't have any recent job experience. With the second one, I was definitely more nervous because I had to be in business dress (I wasn't comfortable at all), the questions were more specific, and I found myself choking up and wanting to cry a few times. I think I answered the questions better than in my first interview though, because I had gone through the first interview so I could think of answers quicker.

So the reason I bring up my introverted-ness is because the second interviewer said that she could tell I was an introvert by looking at my resume. I was a bit put off by how she said it, like it was a bad thing, but I rallied and answered her question: practice makes perfect, I would have to force myself to go up to people in the beginning, but eventually I would be comfortable going up to people to ask if they needed help with anything, since it is a customer service job and you have to take the initiative to go up to a customer. (Now I realize I could have added that I am a helpful person by nature, so even though I am an introvert, I would help someone if they needed it, in a retail setting.)

I got home and burst into tears: my nerves were shot and I was actually hoping that these two stores would not call me back for the job. I got a call a couple hours ago from a different store for a group interview. I said yes, since I need to get used to this interview business, and it'll be my first group interview. I started looking online for group interview tips, which led me to how to write a resume, to how a resume should/could look. I started to get distressed watching the how to videos on YouTube, because I don't have relevant and recent work experience, I don't have skills/talents/strengths, I didn't take part in clubs or extra curricular activities at school: I have nothing to boast about. What in the hell did these people see in me or my resume to want to give me an interview? What did they think of me after the interview?

I heard that the things that make you scared help you grow as a person. Well, I'm scared out of my mind, but I'm going deeper and deeper into myself. Let me be a hermit. Leave me alone.


Unfortunately, society looks down on that. There's no way I'd be able to do the things I want to do and be by myself. I'm starting to not want to do those things these days too, just so I can be solitary. Something is wrong with me, right? Is this my huge cry for help?

I don't know what to do.

Being Korean American...Or More Specifically, Canadian

Two posts in one day, it's a miracle!

Going to Korea has been on my bucket list for a long time. Now that I have finished my schooling, it's time I check that thing off, right? I thought so too.

I've been going through the process of finding out how to teach in Korea, emailing hiring agencies, getting my visa...Except that I'm hitting a lot of walls. The main wall is my university degree: I need it as proof that I actually finished a Bachelor's.

So, I'm not actually here, writing to complain about my troubles with getting to the motherland (even though I really want to, and I clearly haven't finished the above thought).

I want to start another blog. I already have this one and a dream blog, but now I want one mainly to do with this process of going to Korea, to be an English teacher. I don't know what to call it though! I don't know what the title of the blog should be or what I should call the blog. You know, paulajaey.blogspot.ca is called Muchaga and paulajaeydreams.blogspot.ca is called Once Upon A Dream. I don't really want to do paulajaeytravels because I want the blog to be about me being a Korean Canadian *in Korea,* even though I'm not in Korea yet. I tried looking for inspiration in other blogs, but I can't seem to do it, because the blogs all belong to white people. Not that I have anything against Caucasians...but they're everywhere online. I can't seem to find someone who is Asian American and going through an experience I'm going through.

I guess I'll have to be that person. Once I figure out a name XD Anyone wanna help me? Please? ^^

Unsatisfied

Turns out I'm a live-in maid.

Yesterday, I did the dishes and the laundry. Guess what my mom said? "Now you can be a maid!" What the fuck.

I feel bad enough that I don't have a job (pretty sure I've talked about how I'm a lazy ass and wouldn't set a foot out the door to look for one) and just lay around the house all day, but why did she have to say it like that? I do the dishes and the laundry because I like to do them, believes no one ever. I'm already at home though, so I might as well do them.
Which is sad. I'm at home: I don't have a job, I don't have a social life, I write blog posts and fiction, check my Twitter and Instagram, workout, play a few games on my phone...I admit this routine is getting kinda boring, after four months, but I would rather be doing this than leaving the house. Which is even more pathetic.

Problem is, I'm starting to feel like a maid. My mom goes out to do her thing during the day and comes home to cook; my dad works and comes home expecting a hot meal; my sister is barely at home and when she is, she just eats food, creates dishes, and expects everyone (read "me") to put things back to where they belong for her. I tell myself I need to get out of this environment, but how the hell do I do that? I don't have money, I don't have a job, and because I'm lazy, I'm not willing to go out of my way to get those things. Vicious, stupid cycle.

I know. I'm just making it hard on myself. Basically, I just need to marry a rich person and I'd be set for life.

Asian Fan Fics

If you guys didn't know, I'm currently on an all-Korea kick at the moment, that has lasted since August 2014. This is probably the longest time I have been obsessed with anything, ever, so thanks for being patient with me while I sort out my thoughts. Obviously, I've been trying to post coherent blog articles in the meantime, but it's not as often as I would like and I haven't been getting them often.
That's a lie; I have been thinking about a lot of different blog posts, but I don't write them down and/or I forget about them and I don't publish them.

Anyway, this is just a post to let you guys know that I will not be posting any of my Kpop-related articles on this blog. I have actually found an online outlet where I can fangirl over Korean celebrities without being judged too harshly, and that site is called asianfanfics.com. And on that site, I have a profile that also allows for the author/reader to have a blog. That is where I've been posting my favourite Korean singers, bands, actors, and any other Korean news I deem worthy enough for an article.
So now, this blog will just focus on my daily thoughts, kinda like a journal entry, but more focused on a specific topic.

I hope you all are well. Have a fantastic Easter and April!