Guys, I don't do shit.
Like, I literally don't do anything.
The other day, I was talking to a friend, who is graduating at the same time as I am, and she told me she applied for graduation during the early application time. I, on the other hand, did not, because I had forgotten the dates/didn't mark the deadlines on my calendar. So I had to pay the normal prices for my degrees and certificate (which is totally dumb: why do I have to pay money for a piece of paper?! I could just print it myself!), even though I won't be going to convocation (because I just don't want go through another graduation ceremony). I kept freaking out during the first 45 minutes or so of class because I now had to pay more money when I could have avoided it 10 days earlier. I was trying to remember what I was doing on the date of the deadline, and I couldn't, which means I wasn't doing anything important. I wasn't doing anything important.
Why am I like this? I don't have a job, I don't volunteer, I hang out with my friends on the rare occasion, and I only go to school 3 days a week. WHAT THE HELL SELF.
After a bit, I realized I couldn't do anything about it, the date had passed so boo hoo. I applied for graduation just a couple of hours ago, so I wouldn't panic later in the semester...Choked I had to pay about $200 for it, but ah well.
Tuesday 28 October 2014
Life and Death
Originally written (on actual paper) on October 14th, during my English (484W) class.
Disclosure: I believe in heaven and hell. If you don't, that's your opinion. I also swear at the end, which is uncommon in my posts. Deal.
I got this pang in my body (stomach?) and in my head. I know I've talked about my heart hurting in a previous blog post, but this is different. People talk about existential crises...What I just experienced was not it. It's like I saw my death and afterlife. I was just thinking about growing old.
No. Back up. My prof was talking about the definition of "mate" in Australia: it's your best friend, someone you would put before your blood relations and someone you would ultimately die for. My mate is a blood relative, and I was contemplating dying for her. Then I got to thinking about my parents, and would I die for them? I immediately answered no. This is when I had my flash forward moment.
Would I go to hell for thinking that, answering negatively? Then I remembered a time when my mom, or someone else, told me that in heaven, you wouldn't remember who was who in your physical life: Mom vs friend vs spouse, etc. And then I started wondering how I would react to seeing my family in heaven: if I would be civilized to m dad, or if I would hug my aunt, or if I would have a deep and meaningful conversation with my uncle.
Then I got scared. I don't know where I'm going to go after I die. I could burn in hell or do fun things in heaven. Right? And I won't have my physical body, right? I don't know! And that freaks the shit out of me. 80 years of living? What if I get raptured before getting to anything I wanted to do? That's fucking scary.
Disclosure: I believe in heaven and hell. If you don't, that's your opinion. I also swear at the end, which is uncommon in my posts. Deal.
I got this pang in my body (stomach?) and in my head. I know I've talked about my heart hurting in a previous blog post, but this is different. People talk about existential crises...What I just experienced was not it. It's like I saw my death and afterlife. I was just thinking about growing old.
No. Back up. My prof was talking about the definition of "mate" in Australia: it's your best friend, someone you would put before your blood relations and someone you would ultimately die for. My mate is a blood relative, and I was contemplating dying for her. Then I got to thinking about my parents, and would I die for them? I immediately answered no. This is when I had my flash forward moment.
Would I go to hell for thinking that, answering negatively? Then I remembered a time when my mom, or someone else, told me that in heaven, you wouldn't remember who was who in your physical life: Mom vs friend vs spouse, etc. And then I started wondering how I would react to seeing my family in heaven: if I would be civilized to m dad, or if I would hug my aunt, or if I would have a deep and meaningful conversation with my uncle.
Then I got scared. I don't know where I'm going to go after I die. I could burn in hell or do fun things in heaven. Right? And I won't have my physical body, right? I don't know! And that freaks the shit out of me. 80 years of living? What if I get raptured before getting to anything I wanted to do? That's fucking scary.
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