Mistake

I texted an...old sexting flame, for lack of a better term. The title says it all lol: it was a mistake.
It brought up old hurts and feelings. I kind of made it hard on him because he didn't have my number saved in his contact list, I made him guess who I was. It took him about two hours (mainly him just saying "plz tell me your name," "it's bugging me," "babe just tell me" as examples) and when he figured it out, the conversation ended in a couple minutes. After "hello"s and "how are you"s were exchanged, it stopped. I marinated with everything (all my thoughts, my feelings, my heart aching) for many hours afterwards and I...was and am an idiot.

I've been watching/listening to sermons on YouTube. The past many weeks, at church, we were challenging ourselves with growing in our faith by doing tailored goals. Since I am very unemployed at the moment, I gave myself more things to accomplish. One of the challenges was to find a YouTube channel that was Bible/faith based and listen to its videos (because that's basically what I do, I click on random videos so I can listen to them while I play games on my phone). I first found the Bible Project, which is a channel dedicated to making the Bible more accessible, kind of summarizing a book of the Bible in a few minutes or creating themes based on the stories. Then my sister posted a sermon in our Facebook message and I watched that, it was on anxiety. I didn't like the pastor's preaching style so I looked for other videos.
Ok, this is a really long explanation: I watched a series on relationship goals. While watching it, I realized a lot of these online relationships I started weren't good, and that a lot of them fizzled out anyway so I didn't have to worry about them. THEN I go out and seek one of them out like WTF ME. WHAT WERE YOU JUST LISTENING TO?! UGH.

So yeah. I'm an idiot.

The last thing I texted him was "what are you thinking?" and I haven't gotten a response. I'm giving him 24 hours lol, and then when it's all said and done, Imma just say I'm sorry...I'm debating on whether to block his number right after or not. The right thing to do would probably be to block him, but we had fun. I don't want it to end badly, although that's all I seem to know how to do, to end things badly instead of well.

And I'm still obsessing. Someone needs to slap me.